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Throughout the years I’ve been doing client sessions I’ve been seeing a phenomenon that’s increasing — a phenomenon I call spiritual correctness.  Spiritual correctness is the corollary to political correctness, but in the realm of spirituality instead. 

People want to be spiritually evolved for many reasons. Some people believe that if they’re more spiritually evolved they’ll experience less pain in their life. That comes from the idea that attachment leads to suffering. There’s nothing wrong with believing that, but there’s no evidence that life is less painful if we’re more spiritually evolved. Some people actually experience more pain as they become sensitive to the world and experience deepening compassion for human kind’s sufferings. 

Some people want to become more spiritually evolved out of a belief that they should be liberated from their ego. The ego is considered the root of human pain. They believe if they can get rid of the ego or subdue it they’ll finally have peace. With the goal of extinguishing the ego, they’re on the lookout for all the ways the ego expresses itself. That leads to self criticism which to save face stimulates the ego’s desire to see itself as better — creating a spiritual one upmanship that can lead to an inner spiritual arrogance.

In the process of trying to liberate themselves from their ego they inadvertently strengthen it. - a spiritual Catch 22. 

When you hold that there’s a way that you are supposed to be or act as you grow spiritually or have a timeline for how things are supposed to show up inside you or how your supposed to feel, you begin to fake it. You don’t mean to — you just do. You begin to fool yourself about where you are rather than just be where you are. You begin to speak and act with spiritual correctness. 

 

There are lots of attitudes that reflect  spiritual correctness, They show up as beliefs about sexuality, money, success, and especially forgiveness. 

 

 It’s not real forgiveness. It’s a mouthed forgiveness that we talk ourselves into thinking we feel so we can feel good about ourselves. After all if we consider ourselves spiritual evolved we’re supposed to forgive. Right? 

 

I hear my clients speak about incidents and traumas and they say “ Oh, but I’ve forgiven that person. I don’t really think about it much anymore.” But when we go over the details invariably the hurt and anger is still there. It’s been covered up with spiritual correctness.

 

It may sound like I’m diminishing the importance of forgiveness or the act of forgiving but I’m not. Forgiveness is the most healing action we can take — not for others — but for ourselves. Ultimately I do forgiveness work with all of my clients. But, because of spiritual correctness and the glamour and allure about being seen as spiritually evolved, we can talk ourselves into thinking we have forgiven,  when we are actually suppressing the feeling that we need to let out so we can really heal.

 

There’s a natural dynamic in our being that wants to bring things up and out – an innate mechanism that operates the same way in our emotional being as it does in our body.  In Homeopathy we call it the “Law of cure” It says that the our beings will always bring things to the surface. Boils, crying, yelling, bodily discharges all are expressions of the healing principle in us.

Soaring Crane Chi Kung

Soaring Crane Chi Kung, is an energy exercise that focuses on gathering energy in the body and moving that energy around inside us with the goal of clearing energy blockages. One of Soaring cranes forms is called “standing meditation.” The person’s task is just to become mindful of the energy (aka Chi) as it moves inside them, observe it and allow the chi to move as it needs to for healing. As the stuck energy gets released the energy moves the blockages up and out. That can show up as spontaneous body movements and or involuntary vocal sounds. By allowing the process to have a life of its own eventually the energy blockages are released and the persons body comes to stillness. The person is left with an inner sense of calm and greater well being.

 

In shamanic rituals of healing there are times when the person who is being healed lets out yells and grunts. I say lets out because they are not deliberate. They are evidence of the body/mind working perfectly to heal itself. 

 

Our feelings function with the same principle. Our emotions need to come up and out. The word itself says that. “E” means “out” and motion is movement. They need to come up from the subconscious to the conscious so that they can be released. 

 

When we talk ourselves into feeling forgiveness we push what’s trying to be released in the opposite direction. We hurt ourselves. 

 

It makes me think of that song by the The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn! (to Everything There Is a Season)

To everything - turn, turn, turn

There is a season - turn, turn, turn

And a time for every purpose under heaven

 

In the same way that there are seasons in our universe there are seasons in us. The seasons in us may change from one moment to the next but there are seasons and there is a cycle. Within that cycle there is great wisdom and perfection. Just as each leaf experiences this cycle. Our process of forgiveness has it’s cycle.

 

In winter the ground is cold and hard and the bud is inside the tree. All the time the bud is in the tree it’s experiencing transformation. If it were to come out prematurely the cold that would hit it would freeze and kill it — hurting the tree. When the time is right, the warmth of spring comes and the bud moves closer to the surface of the tree. It’s getting ready to show itself. As the sun’s warmth increases it nurtures the budding process and the bud take a tiny step out from the tree bark’s protection. It’s beginning to expose itself for all to see in it’s utter delicate green vulnerability.

 

As spring moves on, the intensifying sun warms the earth and the tree’s bud becomes a leaf that’s sharply shaped and a more robust green. The leaf of spring is met by the ripening heat of summer and the transforming powers of the summer sun. The leaf is fully formed and moving into the fall of its life. 

Now fully exposed and stronger from the proper timing of its budding the leaf’s greatest beauty comes. The leaf is preparing to fall free from the tree so that the tree can continue its evolution. 

 

The process of forgiveness is about reclaiming your wholeness but in the process of feeling you have to forgive when you’re not ready, you actually get more disconnected to yourself, You deny your experience and suppress yourself. You make yourself even more stuck in the issue.

I love the phrase in the bible that says “ as above so below” To me it means the macrocosm is mirrored in the microcosm. –Just as fractals always have the whole of themselves in them,  our forgiveness needs the four seasons. 

 

Our anger needs its incubation in the cold hard earth of our being. It needs to be followed by the warmth of our heart’s sun to transform our hurt from anger into sadness. With the inner momentum and guidance from our heart we begin to lift up our pain getting ready to release it and finally we let the pain fall so we can be free to keep growing. We forgive.

 

Using EFT for forgiveness work

You may have been hurt by someone you thought you forgave. Bring the incident to mind and allow yourself to feel the details of the experience. You may find that you really haven’t let it go. Let go of any spiritual rules you may have as you do this exercise. The leaf may still be hanging onto the tree. 

 

Or, think about an issue you want to be able to forgive. What season are you in with it? Do you feel cold and hard, warm and budding, clear and ready to bring total light to it, or about the let it go completely. 

 

Time doesn’t heal things. That’s a myth. Energetic shifts do. Allow yourself to be where you are in relationship to the incident or feelings about the person in terms of forgiveness. 

 

You can use EFT to increase the sun of compassion inside you but first you need to give yourself permission to be with your anger and hurt. You have to allow yourself not to want to forgive. The important thing is to just to be where you are as you tap about it.

 

You can use EFT for each of the stages and shift as the feelings inside you change.

Using EFT:

1. Allow yourself to bring to mind your feeling 
2. Stay tuned into your feeling  and do this simple tapping sequence. 
3. Find the fleshy area on the side of your hand between the bottom of your pinky and the top of your wrist. Take one hand and tap into the karate chop area of the other hand while repeating the sentence below three times. 

Then, staying tuned into your feeling tap your fingers tips about 7 times on each acupuncture points below. 

• Top of your head 
• Brow ( where brow meets the bridge of nose)
• Side of eye (in front of temple)
• Under eye (on the cheek bone)
• Under nose
• Between mouth and chin
• Where your collar bone meets your rib near your breast bone
• Under your arm (about 4 inches below your arm pit)

 

Winter

Even though I don’t want to forgive this person 

Even though I am beginning to feel like I’d like to forgive this person but I’m really resistant

Even though I want to forgive and I feel like I just want to move on there is still a bit of anger left

 

Spring

Even though I’m not angry anymore I still feel really sad and hurt and I can’t forgive yet

Even though I was really angry and sad I feel like I’m finally ready to let this go

Even though I feel so vulnerable without my defenses

 

Summer

Even though I felt the person really hurt me and its hard to believe but they may actually be doing their best given who they are

Even though I couldn’t see compassionately before I realize that I’ve hurt others in the past and I realize I was doing my best and if I could do better I would have

 

Fall

Even though I felt like I could not forgive that person I am forgiving now and It feels really good to let this go.

Even though I thought I wasn’t able to do it I forgive this person and It feels so good to be free of this 

 

Do several rounds of the process on the sentences that speak most to you until you begin to feel energy loosen inside you. Signs of loosening stuck energy is yawning, sighing or feeling the energy move inside you.

 

As free yourself of your pain, anger and sadness, you’ll feel the sun of love and compassion shinning brighter inside you and illuminating the colors of your inner being.

As always I’d love your thoughts,

To learn more about Emotional Freedom Techniques visit my website at http://www.limitfreeself.com

Shulamit