Anyone that knows me knows that I will question anything. Maybe it’s because I was brought up in a very religious jewish family and was sent to parochial school where we studied the Torah. “Why” was the word we used all day long. We turned things upside down and inside out. “Why did he do this?” ‘Why did they say it like that?” We left nothing unquestioned. We would dissect the meaning of the placement of a dot!
Or, maybe it was because I was brought up to be a good little girl and trust all that my mom said. The only problem was my mom lied A LOT. So I was in a bind. I could believe my mom, feel accepted and be turned against my own truth or confront her on her lies and feel the force of her anger and the cold air where her acceptance once warmed me.
I chose acceptance. As children we all choose acceptance over truth. We have to. We die without it.
I denied my own truths until I had no sense of myself left. That forced me to go on a journey of finding and expressing my personal truths — an exploration that I think is essential and is core to my work with my clients.
But before we speak our truths to others we have to admit them to ourselves in the sacred space of our being. if we can’t even utter them to ourselves we can never hope to be free. (more…)
Freedom Technique can helps couples get in better sync
So many couples have problems that are a result of one being an extrovert and the other an introvert.
There is a misunderstanding that they both have to do with how social someone is or how many friends they have but it’s really all about the person’s nervous system. Introverts are over stimulated and they want to pull back from stimulus and the opposite is true for extroverts, of which I am, par excellence.
I LOVE loud music and shopping malls and big groups of people I don’t know. My sweet hubby is the opposite. When we visit Manhattan, he wants to get out of the city when we are in traffic and I love the electric energy of it. He hardly ever puts on music and I have something audio going on much of the day. I LOVE to multitask and he can’t handle if I say a word while he’s on the phone. Honey I cant hear you both!
Can you relate to this?
Its not personal. It’s our nervous system and with EFT you can normalize both extremes.
The Season's of forgiveness: The beauty of our natural cycle
Throughout the years I’ve been doing client sessions I’ve been seeing a phenomenon that’s increasing — a phenomenon I call spiritual correctness. Spiritual correctnessis the corollary to political correctness, but in the realm of spirituality instead.
People want to be spiritually evolved for many reasons. Some people believe that if they’re more spiritually evolved they’ll experience less pain in their life. That comes from the idea that attachment leads to suffering. There’s nothing wrong with believing that, but there’s no evidence that life is less painful if we’re more spiritually evolved. Some people actually experience more pain as they become sensitive to the world and experience deepening compassion for human kind’s sufferings.
Some people want to become more spiritually evolved out of a belief that they should be liberated from their ego. The ego is considered the root of human pain. They believe if they can get rid of the ego or subdue it they’ll finally have peace. With the goal of extinguishing the ego, they’re on the lookout for all the ways the ego expresses itself. That leads to self criticism which to save face stimulates the ego’s desire to see itself as better — creating a spiritual one upmanship that can lead to an inner spiritual arrogance.
In the process of trying to liberate themselves from their ego they inadvertently strengthen it. - a spiritual Catch 22.
When you hold that there’s a way that you are supposed to be or act as you grow spiritually or have a timeline for how things are supposed to show up inside you or how your supposed to feel, you begin to fake it. You don’t mean to — you just do. You begin to fool yourself about where you are rather than just be where you are. You begin to speak and act with spiritual correctness.
There are lots of attitudes that reflect spiritual correctness, They show up as beliefs about sexuality, money, success, and especially forgiveness.
I have a family member who works in the restaurant business. He tells me that some customers actually will spout at him “The customer is always right.” as they spew angrily at him about the food that they ordered. He has to get the manager and the manger has to go mollify the customer. The manager has to make nice.
I recently had a client stop sessions because I have a policy to not make appointments by email. I wanted to give her as much as I could within that policy and offered everything I could short of confirming an appointment by email. It would have taken a simple phone call to me to set one up but instead she kept sending emails. Her emails actually got lost in other email boxes. Technology is far from perfect.
Since we had no communication, I didn’t know that her emails were lost and her anger was building thinking I was ignoring them. By the time I found her email she had so convinced herself that I was ignoring them that she insulted me in her last email.
In the past I would have taken it. After all the customer is always right. Right? No. Not right. Just as we as business people are not always right. Our customers are not always right. No one is always right. (more…)
Remember playing in the rain as a kid? For my gift this year my husband took me to Fuerza Bruta, a show in NYC that can’t help but connect us to the child in us. Play the video and you’ll see what I mean. Imagine it’s you. Enjoy!
Tonight I was watching TV and one of the guests was the author of a book about success. He talked about the idea that it’s not talent that makes you become excellent at something, but having love for something that keeps you doing it to the extent that you become excellent at it. I didn’t understand this years ago. I thought it begins with a talent that you hone. Now after helping so many people in my practice I see that he’s right. it has to start with love.
Many years ago a client of mine told me her husband could see colors over peoples heads. I was just starting my practice as an energetic healer and I was enthralled by the process of feeling energy and being able to feel the change in my hands when I was doing energy work with my clients. I asked her excitedly about what he was doing with his talent and she said he had no interest in it. He was going into business. I remember being taken aback. If that were me, I thought to myself, I’d have dived in head first into learning all I could about seeing energy. I’d refine my talent by constant study and use. At the time I didn’t understand that what was missing for him was the love of his talent.
Through the years of my work Iv had clients who come in confused about their path. When I ask them what they love at times the person tells me “ I don’t know”. They have no passion at all. They can feel that there is something missing in them but they don’t’ know how to find out what it is or how to heal that disconnection inside themselves. (more…)
When I used to smoke, OK, if you’re a client of mine reading this I know you’re probably shocked but I wasn’t always who I am now. I used to smoke many years ago — and not lightly either. I smoked a lot. In fact, I smoked two packs of Marlboros a day. Anyway, one of the things I noticed was that when I was smoking to calm an anxious feeling, as I inhaled, the anxiety felt like it was being pushed right back down my throat from where it came. I had stopped the anxiety in its path and made it go back into me. When I look back on that now I see that what I was doing is suppressing my anxiety.
The issue of suppression has come up a lot this week. I had a client who came in complaining of cutting pain in her stomach and tremendous heat in her abdomen. When we got to the core of her issue is was anger that was being swallowed back down. She had gotten a message from her family that to be angry was not respectful. But only for girls. Another client of mine came in because she has severe arthritis in her knee. (more…)
